Big sigh

So, yesterday I wake up early and drive my butt into downtown DC to get my blood drawn to confirm my negative beta. (My Bethesda office is only open M-F for monitoring.) I get there and the doors are locked and no one is home. It is early, I am tired and still very emotional. I call the number and get the answering service (because they don't pick up the phone on the weekends). I get a call back in 10 minutes later from the on call DR, and she said that no one was on the schedule so the office was not open. I was supposed to be put on the schedule when I got my IUI. So- I wake up early this morning (again) to go to the office as soon as it opens, because they need the negative beta. (Still tired) No one knows why I was not on the schedule. Everyone is very sorry for the mix up.

I am in near tears from the heartbreak, and the nurse said our timing was spot on and she is not sure why it didn't work. (I know it is not a guarantee, but hearing the nurse say that nearly put me over the edge.) I told her we were taking a month off because I need a break from the side effects. I felt pregnant. I had a lot of symptoms.

And yet... Nothing.
I woke up this morning at 4am, 2 HOURS before the alarm and I could not get back to sleep.

I am, again, heartbroken. This is only getting harder.

No baby

AF is here today. I had a 29 day cycle, which is long for me. The blood test tomorrow will confirm it. I took a test this morning for my own sanity. 16 DPO and a huge white space where my line shold be. We are taking this month off. I need a month to get the crazy out of my system. The hormones in the TWW made me NUTS. I need a break from that. I can't do it again so soon.

Friday- I don't know

I got a negative Tuesday and Thurday on the First Response test, but no period yet. This morning I went to put on my bra, and my boobs do not fit. I'll do another test tonight or tomorrow. Today is day 29, I usually have flow by now- and nothing. I also don't feel like I am going to get my period yet. I am still out of town, so I can't get a blood test until Sunday.

I also managed to contract bacterial Bronchitis while on vacation, and the dr said the Zpac was okay to take if I am pregnant. So, I don't know... I know clomid can delay things, but clomid did not affect when I ovulated, my body decided that. So maybe I am pregnant and the first response is not sensitive enough?

If I was home, I would have a blood test. I am now officially late and clueless.

4 days!!!!!!

I am excited to test Tuesday. We’ll be out of town, so I am not sure when I’ll get to update. I think that I will be able to access the internet at my in-laws, but I am not positive. I will do my best to update.

The mind numbing tiredness has lifted without caffeine, so that is exciting. My body must be getting used to it. I am still tired, don’t get me wrong, but it is not awful.
Tuesday will be 12 DPO and Cycle day 26. I am hoping we get the best x-mas present ever!

6 days until I test early

The tiredness is not so bad today. I am not so crazy emotional in the last 24 or so hours… :) I do feel a bit off. I feel really bloated, and I am not one to ever feel this way. Below my belly button, my body feels harder than I remember. I am about 10 pound heavier than I would like to be(in general), but I don’t remember feeling this uncomfortable in my comfy pants.

I will test on x-mas morning, which is day 26, and then I will test on the 27th, which is day 28.

Like Patsy Cline...

Boobs, sore...
Crazy emotions and tears for no reason, Check! I feel totally crazy and I am totally overreacting to everything. I don't know if this is the medicine or if I am pregnant. I hope I am pregnant, but it will be a LONG 9 Months. I feel bloated and wierd. Also, my body is starting to smell different.

I have to try to be a professional for the next 8 hours. I managed to leave my wallet at home so I have no money for coffee. I am tired and I know I am whining. If I could just know it was all for a good reason, I think I would feel better. Still crazy, but better. :)

hungry

Still tired, but I have managed to stave off the nausea be eating all day. This is not good. I need to by some mints or something.

I keep making this funny face and telling My Love that am I am helping the baby implant. It kinda looks like I am pushing something and with sqinched eyes. And I go "ughhh". Well, I crack myself up. :)

Tired

The prometrium I am on is kicking my ass. I am so tired, and sorta nausous. If I was not on it, I would be sure these are signs. I really hope this time worked.

Spermed up!

I feel really good about this time. The timing was spot on according to the blood tests. FF says it is not so good timing, but I think I will trust a blood test (they are totally accurate). We did the IUI yesterday about 10:30am. The nurse who did it says she was on a roll of getting people pregnant, I am more that willing to keep her streak alive! There were 65 million sperm and I can’t remember the other numbers. They said it was excellent motility for frozen, and everything looked really good. This donor thaws really well. We also did an at home ICI late last night, just to hedge our bets. I am all spermed up.

It is a good kind of weird to purposely pay to put that sperm in my body. I am picturing it doing the tango with my egg. They should be dividing right now and looking for a place to call home. The sperm is young and strong, the perfect stuff to make a baby with.

My acupuncturist said she gets a boy vibe from me. When I see a positive pregnancy test, I can dream of a baby boy. There were a lot of signs that this month is the right month to get pregnant. We inseminated on the 13th, which is My Love’s lucky number and the date she was born on. (Not born in December, but another month.) We would be on CD 28 on Dec 27th, I was born on the 27th of another month. BY the 28th cycle day, a home test should pick it up our positive. We will be out of town, so I can’t do a blood test until Dec 30th. We already have a name for a boy and a girl. I LOVE the boys name. It is all good. When I get pregnant this cycle, my due date will be 09/02/08. That is a great time to have our baby.

I started taking the prometrium twice a day today. I take it orally. I am officially in the two week wait. I am glad to be here. The trigger shot has made my boobs SORE today. It feels like someone slammed my nipples in a book. That is a kicky little side effect.

Good luck to all those trying, one of these days I will actually put links up to the blogs I read.

Today is the day

Today is the day to make a baby. I am beyond excited.I should have sperm in me by 11am today.

The trigger shot was not so bad. It took me awhile to get up the nerve to stab it in, but I didn't really feel it. My acupuncture was good, she did a lot of points around my uterus. It increases the blood flow to there. My ticker is spot on, as well.

Inseminate tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the call and we are inseminating on Thursday morning. Good thing I ordered the sperm today. Apparently my body is good to go! I give myself a shot tonight at 9:30pm. I am excited. We are going to make a baby tomorrow!! I feel really good about this time. Really good. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon

Well, my showdown with the dildo cam went well. I have 2 mature follicles, one right and one left. They are both about 18mm. I will wait to hear about my bloodwork, but it loooks like I will inseminate Friday morning. Possibly Saturday, but I got an LH surge on my OPK, so I think I will trigger tonight. I'll hear this afternoon. They usually call 3-4pm. I ordered my sperm for pick up tomorrow.

When we started this whole process we had purchased two ICI vials, as well as a bunch of IUI's. We are going to do an at home ICI, as well this time. I want to put all my eggs in multiple baskets. We used the other ICI the first insemination. I had just wanted to try it, but the IUI in the doctors office would be all I need.

So very exciting. I am ready and I have acupuncture tonight.

Another show down

My blood results were good, but they said I need a few more days to grow my follicles. I am going back in on Wednesday for more monitoring and blood. Depending on that, I will probably trigger Wednesday night and inseminate on Friday, maybe? I would usually get a surge tommorrow or Thursday anyway. The reason I am using the Ovidrel, (with some reluctance) is that I have gotten a positive OPK with NO ovulation before. This time I know I have follicles, so I want to make sure they get released. I kind of think of the trigger shot like a slow gun, it goes off, and my eggs come shooting out of my ovaries.

I just realized that I will (hopefully) be in the TWW for x-mas. I have to go to Kansas CIty, MO to visit my inlaws. Some of them like me fine and some...well... Anyways, no drinking for me. I will also have to discreatly figure out how to take the pregnancy tests while I am there. That will be a good problem to have, after so many months of not being able to even try.

Grow baby, grow!

Rock start right

We have follicles! I have one 14mm on my left ovary, and I have 2 15mm follicles and a 14.8mm on my right ovary. I have to wait for the blood results to see what to do next. My uterine lining was a bit thin at 6.8. They like it to be over 8. More waiting. I responded well to the Clomid, my body liked it.

Showdown with the Dildo Cam

Tomorrow morning I have a showdown with the dildo cam to see how my ovaries look. Updates will come tomorrow. I started OPKing to day, and I think I might surge sooner rather than later, like Tuesday or Wednesday. This week should be busy.

Come on ovaries!

Ironic

So, now that I am done with Clomid, I am waiting to see if I get to be part of the two week wait. Ironic. I still feel pretty oaky. I think I am a bit more emotional than I'd like to be, but I an not sure if any of that is the medicine, or if I am just hyper aware of my current state. I'm inclined to think it is the latter.

I don't have a headache. I guess it is all good.

100 mg

I still feel pretty normal on 100mg of the Clomid. Last dose is tonight, then I start OPK-ing on Sunday. Ultrasound on Monday. On Monday there should be something to see, and hopefully I'll be picking up my sperm next week.

It has been a long week, I look forward to tomorrow being Friday.

Three down, two to go

Well, I have day 3 of Clomid down. Only tonight and tomorow night left. I think it is going well. I will have a scan and bloodwork done on Monday to see how my body responded. The nurse said to start OPK ing on Sunday. If my body responds, I expect to have a surge next Wednesday or Thurdsay and insemination would follow the day after, I think.

The doctor said I will take Ovidrel, a trigger shot next week. I'll find out on Monday when to take it. I don't know much about that.

A bit

I feel a bit emotional, but frankly not any different than usual. I can be a huge crank in the morning and on the edge of tears one minute and laughing the next. That is just a day in the life of me. ( I am not bipolar, I am just VERY emotional. I came out of the womb that way.)

I have had a headache off and on since Monday morning. I used to be super prone to migraines befor acupuncture. I was even on a maintenance medicine for years. I went off all that stuff around May to prepare for pregnancy. I hadn't had a headache this annoying until Monday. 2 days of Clomid down, 3 to go! Right now I should be growing a thick lining and one or two really good follicles.

Come on body, you know what to do!

So far, so good

I started Clomid last night. I feel pretty normal today. Day 4.

A.M. Wanding

I got wanded first thing this Saturday morning. Nothing like having the dildo cam say good morning. No cycts and my bloodwork was normal. I start Clomid tomorrow night. I am excited. Maybe this will be it. It is baby time. I see the doctor on the 10th for a follow up sonogram and blood to see how my egg's are growing. I have had a number of (straight) women who used Clomid say how wonderful it was, and how the side effects were not bad for them. So, I am going to go into this whole thing with positive thoughts. I just need one really good egg. I've got young, fertile and mobile sperm. Let's go.

This whole process is teaching me all about patience and lack of control. These are probably good lessons for parenthood. When this cycle works, I'll find out the 26th-28th of December. It would be awesome to start the new year knocked up.