I'm still here

I had envisioned this blog to be about my pregnancy journey. I know that it is a TTC blog, but I really thought I'd be pregnant by now. If you want to know what was in my heart of hearts, I really thought I'd have a newborn baby by now. We are on hold until at least September, and this is if life picks up soon and things turn around. I'm sorry, I am trying to be more positive, I should have said, when life picks up VERY soon and hopefully things have already started to turn around. I just can't see it yet be cause I am in the middle of it all.

My love lost her job suddenly a few months ago. Being a mostly one income houshold is hard, and affirms for me that I will work after I have our baby. (I always thought I would.) Unemployment adds very little to the mix, financially.

I saw my acupuncturist and I am really going to work on putting postive energy out in the world. I imagine updates will be spotty.

Seriously?!

So, remember when I said that we were low on money? That was before my much loved cat of 7 years got sick and needed to see 2 vets and $1,500 of tests later, everything is normal! Not that I want her to be sick, but holey moley. I had to use my credit card to pay for her. I hate using credit cards, I rarely have a balance, or if I do, I know when I can pay it off. Not this time!

I have not been writing here because I have nothing nice or good to say. I am not usually a complainer, but that is all I have been doing. I feel bad that I am subjecting my friends to my attitide, but what can I do. I really am trying to think positive, but it is really hard.

Looking forward to better days!

Easy come, easy go

Well, my cycle just ended/started. On no drugs, I had my regular 27 day cycle with ovulation on day 13. Today is day one, we are most assuredlly out for this cycle, and most likely next cycle as well. This cycle would put a baby due around x-mas, and next would be mid to late January. I am looking at maybe trying to make a February baby. So it looks like the next cycle we MIGHT be able to try start would be mid May. Possibly not until June. Maybe I can be pregnant for my 33rd b-day in June. That would be a nice goal.

Things are still rough at Casa MD Baby Maker's. I hate that money is always an issue. I hate that money limits our dreams.

I have acupuncture today, thank goodness! I can't really afford it, but I get paid on Friday. Good luck to all, I hope your days are smoother.

As the world turns

Unfortunatly we are off the baby train for at least two months. We just had a hard blow finicially and even if it resolves itself quickly, it will take awhile to recover. I'll post intermittent updates, maybe I'll shoot for weekly.

The Doctor sees no reason why our current protocal should change, and I have to agree. We have only done two medicated cycles. In all likelihood, all the unmedicated cycles we did were not viable. We did not know about my poor/no ovulation response. We only have two more vials of swimmers. I am not sure if our boy has any more. I still have hope though.

Right now My Love is dealing with some hard issues, and she is my first priority.

I'll be 33 in June.

More waiting

Due to the universe being a bitch, I will likely have to sit out April, as well. My Love and I need to wait awhile to get some financial stuff together.

surviving

I am still here. I am still sad. We have two tries left, so I am starting to wonder if it can work. I so want to be pregnant. We have a consult with the Doctor next week to make sure that everything is okay.

Negative

Blood test negative.

Taking March off.

Still Negative

Still negative HPT. Boob still sore, big, but not as big; crushingly tired. Blood test tomorrow (don't get result until late afternoon). No AF.

I have no words.

???

Negative HPT at 12 DPO. Boobs still big and sore, temps still up, no sign of AF. I don't know. My last clomid cycle was 29 days long. Blood test on Tuesday.

And now I bring you...

First I brought you super temps, now in addition I bring you the super growing boobs! They grew noticably from yesterday morning to last night. I am a small chested woman. I am a small A. I always have been. I am not usualy aware of my brests. I can exercise without a bra on. They are bigger. I can feel them when I walk, and they are sore. :)

Also, I now have a supersonic sense of smell. Apparently my office is full of people that wear strong perfume. I never noticed before.

I am still tired, and I have not had any caffeine since a small cup of coffee on Monday! I also woke up today at 4:45am instead of 6:15... I couldn't get back to sleep.