Weighty issues

I haven’t been able to even look at this blog, as I am not the MDBabyMaker right now. My Love’s job search is slow, and that slows down the baby making process. Or rather, we have stopped until she gets a job. After she gets a job, then it will be 3-6 months until we can start again. So no baby for me, and everyone around me is turning up pregnant.

So, in my free time, am I getting into shape and losing those pesky 10-20 pounds? Nope, just sitting on my butt trying not to get too much fatter. I put on a GOOD 10-15 pound while TTC, and each month I just kept hoping I’d be pregnant so I could blame the weight on that. Instead, I just need to blame my sugar addiction and near daily trips to Dunkin Donuts. I have cut back on some of my crap eating, but still have not gotten up the motivation to go to the gym. I really should do that now, so that when we are ready, I am in great shape. I even know that losing weight will help my fertility. Up until about two years ago (ages 30-31) I never really had to watch my weight. Now I do, and I am watching the scale go up and up. I am wearing a size that I never thought I would. And still, I am too lazy to get my butt to the gym. I am kind hoping that putting this out there will help externally motivate me. Goddess knows, I clearly have no internal motivation for exercise.

Today I am putting it out there. I will make a real effort to go to the gym 2 times a week in August and moving up to 3 times a week in September. I can go Wednesday and Friday of this week. Maybe this blog can be my losing weight blog until I have something else to focus on. I am not quite ready to tell the world my weight, but maybe I can talk about how much I am losing. I need a new focus, and sitting around being pissed at the universe is not helping anything but my ass expand. It is bad when your fat pants (which I have NEVER had to have) are getting tight, as well. I can’t afford more clothes, so I can think of my gym experience as saving money. Plus, I hate to shop and I have a ton of pants I cannot wear. Maybe if I lose some weight I won’t hate pants shopping because I’ll be able to wear a regular size and not the fat sizes. If I get my body in awesome shape, I’ll just have to get pregnant right away, right?

Here I go…

And the hits just keep on coming...

Did anyone watch the TV show the Gilmore Girls? It is my favorte show, minus the craptastic season 7, in which they got rid of the main writers, creator and directors. The title of this entry is from an episode in season 1.

About a week and a half ago, My Love got pancreatitis caused by gallstones... For crying out loud, come on!! It took multiple doctor's visits, an ER visit, tons of blood work, lots of pain medicine, a CT Scan, and an MRI to get a diagnosis. It has pretty much immobilized her. She is starting to do better, but VERY slowly. We will find out in a day or so if her Amalase and Lipase levels are dropping back to normal. Those are the enzymes that break down fat and protien. She is on a modified diet where she can not eat fat or protien... That leaves prety much bread and applesause. Although, I did find a "butter" that is fat free and protien free. It is better than dry toast...

Am I a terrible person for being tired of taking care of everything? I'm so tired.

If I could just find a way to win a few million dollars, all my problems would be solved... :)

I told you updates would be depressing... You have been warned.

I'm still here

I had envisioned this blog to be about my pregnancy journey. I know that it is a TTC blog, but I really thought I'd be pregnant by now. If you want to know what was in my heart of hearts, I really thought I'd have a newborn baby by now. We are on hold until at least September, and this is if life picks up soon and things turn around. I'm sorry, I am trying to be more positive, I should have said, when life picks up VERY soon and hopefully things have already started to turn around. I just can't see it yet be cause I am in the middle of it all.

My love lost her job suddenly a few months ago. Being a mostly one income houshold is hard, and affirms for me that I will work after I have our baby. (I always thought I would.) Unemployment adds very little to the mix, financially.

I saw my acupuncturist and I am really going to work on putting postive energy out in the world. I imagine updates will be spotty.

Seriously?!

So, remember when I said that we were low on money? That was before my much loved cat of 7 years got sick and needed to see 2 vets and $1,500 of tests later, everything is normal! Not that I want her to be sick, but holey moley. I had to use my credit card to pay for her. I hate using credit cards, I rarely have a balance, or if I do, I know when I can pay it off. Not this time!

I have not been writing here because I have nothing nice or good to say. I am not usually a complainer, but that is all I have been doing. I feel bad that I am subjecting my friends to my attitide, but what can I do. I really am trying to think positive, but it is really hard.

Looking forward to better days!

Easy come, easy go

Well, my cycle just ended/started. On no drugs, I had my regular 27 day cycle with ovulation on day 13. Today is day one, we are most assuredlly out for this cycle, and most likely next cycle as well. This cycle would put a baby due around x-mas, and next would be mid to late January. I am looking at maybe trying to make a February baby. So it looks like the next cycle we MIGHT be able to try start would be mid May. Possibly not until June. Maybe I can be pregnant for my 33rd b-day in June. That would be a nice goal.

Things are still rough at Casa MD Baby Maker's. I hate that money is always an issue. I hate that money limits our dreams.

I have acupuncture today, thank goodness! I can't really afford it, but I get paid on Friday. Good luck to all, I hope your days are smoother.

As the world turns

Unfortunatly we are off the baby train for at least two months. We just had a hard blow finicially and even if it resolves itself quickly, it will take awhile to recover. I'll post intermittent updates, maybe I'll shoot for weekly.

The Doctor sees no reason why our current protocal should change, and I have to agree. We have only done two medicated cycles. In all likelihood, all the unmedicated cycles we did were not viable. We did not know about my poor/no ovulation response. We only have two more vials of swimmers. I am not sure if our boy has any more. I still have hope though.

Right now My Love is dealing with some hard issues, and she is my first priority.

I'll be 33 in June.

More waiting

Due to the universe being a bitch, I will likely have to sit out April, as well. My Love and I need to wait awhile to get some financial stuff together.

surviving

I am still here. I am still sad. We have two tries left, so I am starting to wonder if it can work. I so want to be pregnant. We have a consult with the Doctor next week to make sure that everything is okay.

Negative

Blood test negative.

Taking March off.

Still Negative

Still negative HPT. Boob still sore, big, but not as big; crushingly tired. Blood test tomorrow (don't get result until late afternoon). No AF.

I have no words.